I’m not okay

Rachael wanted yogurt for a snack, so I went to fetch her a Chobani Champions yogurt tube from the fridge. It seemed kind of inflated, but I figured I was just misremembering how full they were. Nope. Seriously, talk about contents under pressure. It exploded on me, in my hair, on the floor, the wall, the cabinets, and even on the ceiling. Then, to add insult to injury, it slow jizzed all over my hand. It’s not the yogurt’s fault, though. It was just trying to capture the mood of the day.

We went to open house at Rachael’s kindergarten today. We had received her teacher assignment on Monday, and after Facebook stalking information gathering, I was still a bit worried because I hadn’t been a fan based on the brief interaction I had with her a few months ago. Fortunately, I felt much better after watching her interact with Rachael and having brief conversation with her. Rachael loved the room scavenger hunt, and excitedly bounced from place to place in the room to check everything out. Just like my little girl, she settled herself in the reading area and started flipping through books. Her teacher is pregnant, but not due until January, and will only be out for two months. The teacher subbing for her subbed during her last pregnancy, and has done other long term subbing in the school.
Afterward, we went to the school library. Rachael excitedly wound her way through the maze of bookshelves, marveling at the number of books. They had a small fish tank, and hanging on the wall was a portrait of my principal from when I was in elementary school. (Different school, though. It almost felt like life was coming full circle on me.) As we left, I showed Rachael her very own special door that only the kindergarteners get to use, which thrilled her a little.

So, by all accounts, everything went well and we’re ready to go. But I still came home and shoved three of these cupcakes in my face as I read through the packet of information and completed the forms her teacher had sent home. I think about how Rachael had walked the halls pensively, hands behind her back, taking everything in. She looked so small in those long, towering halls. But I know she’s growing up and she’s ready for this, whether I am or not.

One of the ways I realize that I am stressed or upset is when my body starts to hurt. The psychosomatic manifestations of stress with fibromyalgia are just fanfuckingtastic, let me tell ya. So I knew how bothered I was when my back and neck started throbbing. This afternoon I had a big ole blubbery ugly cry. When it was over, I just felt weak and wanted to take a nap. I probably would have if I didn’t have so many things to do. (I almost feel like I’m nesting today. I want to get things clean and organized so we can start the year with a calm and organized mind. Or, at least, an organized…something.) Instead, I made like Trinity and told myself to get up.

Anyone else starting school for the first time? How are you coping?

7 thoughts on “I’m not okay

  1. My kids are now 17 and 13 but I still remember how hard it was to let each one of them go on that first day of school. I even cried all the way home when I dropped my oldest off at the high school for the first time! (He was still so little then)

    I’ve enjoyed perusing your blog. I love your sense of humor!

  2. I’m not okay either. I had a hard time seeing my baby with a locker and a class schedule at his middle school orientation today. He just seemed so little in a big school. What if he gets lost or can’t remember how to open his locker?
    Daniel’s kindergarten orientation is tomorrow…bring on the water works.

  3. It really does get easier! I was pretty stressed two years ago when I had one starting high school and one starting middle school but they know what they’re doing now. I hope the big day goes smoothly for all of you.

  4. Hi, Julie! That tube of Champions yogurt doesn’t sound like the perfect product experience we strive to provide each of our fans. We’d love for the opportunity to make it up to you, if you could please take a moment to contact us via our contact page (http://chobani.com/who-we-are/contact/), we’ll be sure to replace the tubes you previously purchased. Thanks and we hope the school year is going better for you and your little one!

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