Zoë is whining that she just wants strawberries for breakfast. I am insisting that she eat a waffle with her strawberries. I feel bad though. I feel like I’m all, No, you have to eat the fucking carbs!
ETA: Now I’m all worried about the grammatical implications of where I placed “fucking” in the post. They’re not copulating carbs. They’re just regular old carbs.
…..although, if carbs did fuck and then procreate, that would totally explain my ass. And my thighs…..and my stomach.
2nd ETA: Conversation I had with Mike to write the last edit.
Me: I have a weird question. I can’t think of the word you use when you find out an ex has had children. You know, Oh dear God, they’ve……?
Mike: I don’t know. Spawned?
Me: Hmm, not spawned, but like it.
Mike: Are you trying to describe the act or the child?
Me: I’m trying to describe the result of the act.
Mike: Not spawned. Procreate?
Me: THAT’S IT! Thank you!
Yes, I called him at work for this. Stop judging me!