Spit or wallow?

Who’s having a good day? Good! I’ll fix that in a hurry.

I once read an article which said that people didn’t like being friends with a person on Facebook if the person tended to have negative status updates. I’ve been fussed at before for not being positive enough in a week. Since then, I’ve done my best to avoid being whiny or negative on Facebook. If I am talking about something wrong that’s going on, I try to add in some funny so that it won’t annoy people. Rachael had her third accident today! Just what I wanted. *sigh* She just gets me. I do it in non-virtual life, too. No one likes to hang around people who are mopey and whiny all the time. Hell, I don’t even like to hang out with someone like that. It’s hard enough for me to try and stay in a positive mood. That isn’t to say that I don’t want to know what’s going on in the lives of my friends and family, whatever it may be. But I do have a tendency to bounce new people at the door if they’re bringing drama with them.

That being said, I feel like I need to be whiny about Rachael and kindergarten today once again. Feel free to skip this one and anticipate an upcoming post, by popular demand, on Doritos chocolate truffles. ANTICIPATE IT!

Friday, the day after orientation, was a new day. I was feeling so much better. I figured, I got the good cry out of my system and I’ll just deal with the waterworks again on Tuesday. I was doing my best to keep talk about school very surface. She had a nice rising kindergarten playground, pizza, and Popsicles play group on Friday that left me feel very positive about everything. Yesterday we went to the birthday party of one of Rachael’s best friends and had a wonderful time with our dear friends. So the bitch slap that greeted my face this morning was unexpected and disheartening. I felt in my shoulders, chest, and clavicle area like I had spent the previous night bench pressing 100 pounds. I felt agitated and weak. So I did the only sensible thing and made it worse by cleaning out and organizing my pantry. After that, I made lunch menus for Rachael and picked out recipes and made dinner menus for us. Feeling even more agitated when that was finished, I decided it was best to make the muffins and oatmeal cookies that I had written in on Rachael’s lunch menu. I then proceeded to melt down and run away to my room.

You see, try as I might to ignore or deny the fact that my stomach lurches every time I think about Tuesday, my body still feels it. No matter how I try to stay busy with legitimate and necessary “get ready for school” projects, the stress is still going to travel through my body to tighten my muscles and mess with my serotonin and norepinephrine receptors. It’s one thing to acknowledge the fact that you’re being exceptionally grumpy and impatient today. (And can I just say how wonderfully supportive Mike has been today. He just gets me.) It’s quite another to accept the fact that you’re experiencing a full on depressive mood today and that perhaps the best thing to do is just settle into it, hunker down, and just let the tears come.

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2 thoughts on “Spit or wallow?

  1. It’s okay to be sad. Give yourself permission to wallow for a day (or even two) and then pick yourself up and be happy for her. I fully expect to be a mess when Daniel gets on the bus, but I am just praying I can hold it in until he can’t see me anymore.

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