Phantom Wedgies…and other signs of nervous system dysfunction

Trisha describes the angst of trying to fall asleep at night with great humor.

Shedding Light

For the last twelve hours I’ve been plagued with the sensation that my underwear is riding up my left butt cheek.

It started last night. At bedtime I was nice and relaxed and felt like I could slip right into sleep without pharmaceuticals. (Hello? Have I learned nothing in the past eleven years?) As soon as I adjusted my many pillows, settled my head into the groove of my contoured pillow and wiggled my body into a non-lumpy spot of my memory foam mattress, I felt it; my underwear creeping up the left side of my butt. I reluctantly reached down to tug my underwear back into place, only to discover that they were in place. The wedgie wasn’t in in my butt, it was in my brain.

I should have gotten up right then and taken a muscle relaxer, but I didn’t. I squirmed around, trying to stay off the…

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