“That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!”


I think Rachael may have her first schoolgirl crush. We spent a couple of hours writing out valentines yesterday. When we came to a particular boy on the list, Rachael suddenly decided to make her name extra fancy by drawing little curls on the ends of each of her letters. Her demeanor changed, and so I asked her if she liked this boy. She very coyly said no, and continued talking about him in a high pitched, airy voice. Both Mike and I think it’s cute, although Mike may be melting down over his little girl a tiny bit.
This made me start thinking about all the things I learned in my relationships along the way and what I would pass on to my girls. I will definitely tell them things like: don’t say I love you after having only dated a week; make sure your life is fulfilling and interesting without a relationship; “friends with benefits” never works out…NEVER; if he’s mean to you, it doesn’t mean he likes you. It means he’s an ass. I was a hot mess in college when it came to relationships. It was only in hindsight that I realized there were so many deal breakers in the relationships I had. Hopefully, passing along these deal breakers to my girls will help them avoid the same pitfalls and what Liz Lemon calls sexually transmitted crazy mouth.


If he borrows a book, “gives it to someone else”, and refuses to replace it when it’s lostthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he only calls or texts when he’s bored or has nothing better to dothat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he doesn’t stand up for you when his roommates are talking shit about you in the next roomthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he thinks tuning in Tokyo is hilarious, especially after you’ve asked him to stopthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he starts criticizing what you’re eating because you’re starting to get a bit chubbythat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he is a racist alcoholic. You’re not going to change him. Just….no.that’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he talks about nothing but himself and how awesome he isthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he tells you he tried to stab his brotherthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he tells you to get out right after you tell him you love himthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.
(No, that was not the one week “I love you”.)

If he yells that you don’t trust him because you don’t want to take a shot of Jäger medicinallythat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If you are pretty sure that he if just one step away from being that guy who makes out with or dry humps his carthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he doesn’t want to be seen with you in publicthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

So, what sort of deal breakers will you share with your kids to save them from being hot messes?

3 thoughts on ““That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!”

  1. If his father is a misogynist… That’s a deal breaker. Because odds are if he grew up seeing it, he will imitate it.

    If he continuously mocks things that are important to you…that’s a deal breaker.

    Btw, I love this list so hard I wish I could marry it.

  2. If his mother is bat shit insane, but he still luvvvvs her, that’s a deal breaker.

    If your best guy friends or your brothers/non-insane dad don’t approve, that’s a deal breaker.

    If he can’t stop and see how you feel or he won’t stop to consider your POV even if he doesn’t agree, that’s a deal breaker.

    If you have wildly and violently different political and religious views and he feels so strongly about them that he can’t stop trying to convert you, that’s a deal breaker.

    If he won’t hand over at least half of his dessert while you’re PMSing, that’s a deal breaker.

    We should do a list for boys too

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