Motivation is a double-edged sword

I’ve been more depressed lately. I could tell because I was becoming more withdrawn, more exhausted, and more screamy. My motivation to do anything had also taken a nose dive. I knew it was time to see the doctor again to increase or change my meds. First, I saw my primary care doctor, who had prescribed Cymbalta in the first place. She told me that studies show that the efficacy of Cymbalta didn’t change with an increase in dosage from what I was taking. I also asked for, and received, a referral to a psychiatrist. It was time to take it to the next level.

When I met with the psychiatrist, I mentioned what my primary care had said about the efficacy of Cymbalta in dosing. She screwed up her face like it was the dumbest thing she had ever heard, (in response to my primary care, not me) and said that it does work past where I was, otherwise they wouldn’t make doses that go up to 120mg. So, she increased my dosage and got me set up with a therapist in the office for talk therapy.

Holy crap, was my primary care wrong. Increasing my Cymbalta has been a big ole bag of helpful. I feel happy and the desire to be engaged again. I’m less fatigued and a little more clear-headed. My patience doesn’t deteriorate to shrieking flying monkey in 2.3 seconds now. And I feel motivated, whether it be to engage in relationships or do things around the house. Yesterday I finally took the initiative to clean up our basement steps, where everything to go downstairs gets dumped, and put together the shelving I bought.

This is what classy, non-hoarding organization looks like.

This motivation to engage in normal life comes with a price, though. While the increase in Cymbalta makes me feel better, the fibromyalgia is still ever-present. I’m still fatigued and I’m still in pain. The newest incarnation of pain is in my feet and ankles. Everything is swollen, it feels as though my legs are crushing my ankles, and it feels as though the bones in my feet are slowly breaking every time I try to stand and walk. The pain reminds me of the time Mike and I went to see Spamalot in DC. I had fantastic shoes to go with my dress. Unfortunately, what I didn’t realize when I bought them was that they were so fantastic, the pain of wearing them would leave me standing barefoot in Metro Center. It’s too bad I can’t hang my feet on my fingers like some cute, strappy sandals.

I’m sure this has been made worse by all my Cymbalta-assisted flurry of activity. It’s really hard to see all that there is to do, have the motivation to do, and force myself to sit and rest because my feet are being little cunts. But that’s exactly what I’m trying to do today. I have pain patches attached to my legs, ankles, and feet, and I’m taking breaks from being on my feet. So far, it seems to help if I do chores in short bursts; I’m accomplishing tasks without over-taxing my body. At least, that’s the status as of now. We’ll see if that continues throughout the day. The goal is to have the ability to stand long enough to cook dinner at the end of the day.

17 thoughts on “Motivation is a double-edged sword

      • i found you through kelseys blog, i was excited to see you got your shelving together and even more impressive you felt better to do it your self and not wait on your husband, because we all know how long that could take! I don’t know if this is a silly or sensitive question but what kind of pain patches do you have? you name your trigger points and it sounds eerie familiar… i need to read more of your posts and figure out more of your story, actually, I can’t wait to! glad the cymbalta helped, it helped me for a really long time! don’t be scared to increase, if it doesn’t work out, know you can call and immediately get it decreased. I take lyrics. I can’t take anymore at this point but we are playing with how much and when I take it and seeing if that helps the pain!

      • Thanks for reading!
        I have Lidoderm pain patches right now. I only use them when necessary because they’re such a pain in the ass to keep in place.
        I have both Cymbalta and Lyrica. The Lyrica made a huge difference. I wish I could take more, but I think it will just make me gain more weight. It’s made me gain 40 pounds.

      • I’m sorry that you have to go through this. I’m in the process of figuring out what’s going on but the Navy and Tricare haven’t been very helpful. I just got denied yesterday to two referrals to see specialists. I get pain in my feet and ankles too. The lyrica is working ok. I haven’t gained (yet) but it’s been impossible to loose. I started a paleo diet not long ago and can tell the differences in my joints. I haven’t been good about following it. But I can tell a difference when I do! I hope cymbalta keeps working! And you continue to feel better!

      • Yeah, Tricare kind of makes me want to throat punch people. My best friend is a Navy wife, and my cousin is a Marine wife. It definitely makes life interesting for them in the choices they have in getting desired and appropriate medical care.
        I actually blogged about trying gluten free. For some odd reason, it make my pain and fatigue so much worse. It could have just been my body detoxing, but it was bad enough that I couldn’t continue long enough to find out.

      • That’s what happened when I tried juicing! It’s not worth the trouble and move on to the next thing! Everyone works differently. The frustrating part with medical world treating us the same. But I’m glad cymbalta is helping

      • Thank your friend Beth, I finally just saw her response! That was very helpful! My husbands been recently debating Officer Canidaite School! Maybe this info will encourage him to get the ball rolling! Thank you!

  1. The shelving looks great! I, too, am paying the price for extra activity, only I don’t have any nicely organized areas to show for it. Just a house that got trashed by the cats one day after I cleaned it. Grrr. I hope your feet feel better soon.

  2. I can’t reply directly to GraySkyHippie, but if you see this….
    Are you a spouse of a military member? If so, and your spouse is an officer, I highly recommend switching to Tricare Standard and purchasing the MOAA (Military Officers’ Association of America) insurance supplement. The MOAA supplement covers most of what Tricare doesn’t, after you meet the deductible. For five of us, four kids plus me, MOAA costs around $56 a month, but covers the 20% cost share associated with the Tricare Standard PPO plan.
    If your spouse is enlisted, switching might still save you a ton of grief. The deductible for an individual is $150, for a family it’s $300 and the maximum out of pocket expense for a year is $1000.
    We switched when I pregnant with our second because I refuse to give birth in another military hospital (hospital at all, but that’s a different story 🙂 ), then we switched our kids when we had our third and could get in with the pediatrician I wanted. It has saved us so much grief and frustration having the ability to pick our own doctors, get same day appointments with less hassle AND you don’t need referrals for specialists.

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