A Little Less Close to Fine

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Today, June 26, 2015, will henceforth be known as the day the Supreme Court of the United States dropped a massive glitter bomb, which exploded all over America.  In a 5-4 decision, the Justices declared that gay couples are entitled to equal protection under the law and may now marry in any of these United States.  The LGBT community and its allies across the nation are celebrating with tears of joy, parades, (tomorrow) Facebook posts, and GIFable videos with confetti.

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While I’m happy for gay couples everywhere, it makes me wonder if anyone has taken a moment during their revelry to think about the rest of us. Does anyone realize how much this ruling turns our worlds upside down?  “Who’s ‘us’ and ‘our’?”, you ask.  Why, straight people, of course.  A cornucopia of choices has been released from a heteronormative Pandora’s box. Single ladies unable to find a man may choose to switch their sexual preference to other single ladies in hopes of putting a ring on it.  Committed and loving straight couples will abandon their marriages now that they have options.

I wonder why they didn’t think of the children?  I hope everyone is prepared for all the Sarah McLachlan commercials with which we will now be inundated. With the dramatic increase of the birth rate that gay marriage will bring, so many children will need loving homes.  And as marriage is nothing more than an institution for procreation, we will now need to fear for the future of our species, as birth rates will begin to plunge.  SCOTUS clearly didn’t think this through.  Children’s mental well-being and sense of stability will simply vanish.  While science clearly shows us that children thrive in orphanages and being bounced from foster home to foster home, now that gay “marriage” is allowed, these children will be forced into so-called loving and stable homes.  Addtionally, these children, who were once straight, will be converted to homosexuality with more exposure to same-sex couples.

I’m sorry to say that I know all of this to be true from experience.  As this blog is entitled, Julie, Unfiltered, I feel a duty to be honest in how this Supreme Court decision affects my family and I. Beginning today, Mike and I will move to end our marriage.  In the wake of today’s decision, our loving and committed relationship has been rendered meaningless.  I intend to marry our cat, Miss Andry.  We know that getting the law to recognize our love will be an uphill battle, but we feel today’s Court decision has paved the way and will make our journey a little less bumpy.  In our spare time, we plan to tour with the Indigo Girls.

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Insurance companies like to play doctor

On Sunday, Mike came into the kitchen with a piece of paper in his hands.  He said, “Now, Julie, don’t freak out,” which, as we all know, is the universally accepted way to guarantee that whoever is about to receive bad news will be totally calm and collected.  My body tensed up and I offered a wary, “Ooookaaaaay?”
The letter was from our insurance company, United Healthcare, cheerily telling me that in order to save money, they were no longer going to cover my Lyrica.  The medicine my doctor prescribed for me to treat my fibromyalgia.  The medicine that has made the difference between my ability to walk or not.  BUT!  Not to worry.  I would have the “opportunity” to try other lower-cost alternatives now!  Once I sampled at least three drugs from a veritable buffet of pharmaceuticals, I could then be allowed to resume taking Lyrica.

I began sobbing.  Once again, the insurance company presumed to know better than the doctor and the patient.  Profit shares were more important than patients.  While my body isn’t in perfect condition, I have finally reached a point where my functionality, pain, and energy are better than they’ve been in a long time.  A combination of physical therapy, acupuncture, therapy, and a truckload of medicine and supplements fit together in a Jenga tower of healthcare for me.  If one piece is removed, everything will come crashing down.  Additionally, Lyrica causes weight gain for patients genetically predetermined to gain weight on such medications, like me.  The last time I went off Lyrica to try gabapentin it was an abysmal failure.  The more I took, the more pain I experienced, to the point of not being able to touch my feet to the floor, let alone walk.  So back on the Lyrica I went.  My body went, Oh, gee, this is a new drug that’s telling me to give Julie an additional 20 pounds.  To try and fail with another drug would guarantee more weight gain for me, making my body virtually untenable.

I looked at the list of drugs I needed to try. It was laughable to me.  If ever there needed to be more evidence that so many believe fibromyalgia to be all in the patient’s head, this list of drugs proves it.

1. Cymbalta
An anti-depressant that I’m already taking.  While it is a drug that is specifically marketed to help with pain caused by depression, it stopped managing my pain within a few months of beginning the medication.  Anecdotally and according to doctors with whom I have spoken, this is common with Cymbalta.

2. Gabapentin (commercially, Neurontin)
It does work for some, but you have already read how it worked out for me.

3. Effexor XR
An anti-depressant.  I’m already taking an a anti-depressant.  Two, actually.  I don’t need a third.  It can be used off-label to treat diabetic neuropathy, but medications that are actually meant to treat that condition are preferred.

4. An anti-depressant, like amitriptyline
Again with the anti-depressants!  Oy!  Depression doesn’t cause fibromyalgia; fibromyalgia causes depression.  Wouldn’t you be a tad bit depressed if you were in constant pain, knew you were going to be in constant pain for the rest of your life, and could no longer participate in life the way you once did because of your pain and fatigue?  This is also a potential off-label treatment drug but, again, I don’t need a third anti-depressant.

5. Savella
What’s the problem with Savella?, you may ask.  After all, it’s a drug that specifically treats fibromyalgia.  Here’s the thing.  I am in fibromyalgia forums where people ask about experiences with Savella all the time.  Out of the hundreds of people who say they’ve been on Savella, two have had a good experience.  Two.  Noooooow, I’m not a bettin’ woman, but those don’t seem like terribly good odds.  One of the bad side effects of Savella is terrible nausea. I am a complete pussy when it comes to nausea.  Give me pain any day over even the slightest bit of nausea.

Once I was able to pull myself together, I began Twitter-shaming United Healthcare as quickly as my brain could think and my fingers could type.  On Monday, once I explained that trying new medications is not like sampling ice cream before you choose your cone, I was given the prior authorization number for my doctor to call, (which was conveniently left off of the letter) to tell insurance that I need to be on Lyrica.  Because the prescription wasn’t enough.

Via Garfunkel & Oates

Via Garfunkel & Oates