There. I exercised. Happy?

  

I used to exercise on a regular basis.  And then the fibro hit.  My regular workouts caused flares and any floor work hurt like a motherfucker.  So I stopped.  I’ve always been the kind of girl who has to work her ass off just to maintain weight, let alone lose it.  So no exercise, plus Lyrica, equals fat Julie!  Of course, none of this matters.  As far as any doctor is concerned, all my pain would magically disappear were I to lose a bunch of weight.  Didn’t you know?  Skinny bitches don’t have no pain.  No, wait….my sources are telling me that skinny bitches suffer from life-altering chronic pain, too.                 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Who knew?  Tired of doctors throwing shade at me and my pants squeezing my tummy just a little too tightly, (plus there’s all the women who have MS and run marathons- they are truly inspirations who make the rest of us look bad) I have finally reached the level aggravation that compels me to do something about my weight.  I’m going to lose this weight and still have fibromyalgia pain!  …….that’ll show ’em.

This morning, I got myself ready to Walk Away the Pounds with Leslie Sansone.  It’s always been my go to, as it gets my heart rate up and works my whole body without being too hard on it.  I put on shorts and pulled my hair back, (because I sweat more than a fat, pervy, mouth-breathing man, synced my Up fitness tracker, and went to fetch the DVD.  Naturally, it wasn’t there.  But I was not deterred; I was working out today, goddammit!  I had a massive headache and no DVD, but this was happening!  I spent a good 20-30 minutes searching the different video services, trying to find something that didn’t scare the fuck out of me.  No, no 30 day Shred for me, Jillian.  I already experience that just carrying the laundry down the stairs.  Fortunately, I found Walk Away the Pounds on Amazon Instant Video.  I paid $10 for something I own two iterations of already and got down to business.  

My cat, Belle, sat there and watched me the whole time.  Because that’s what everyone needs: a fluffy animal, sitting there, silently judging you.  

Bewildered cat is bewildered.

 
Yes, thank you, cat.  You’re so taken aback by my side steps and knee lifts that you fell over.  Asshole.  Despite my judgy cat, I marched on, modifying movements so as not to overdo it.  After about 5 minutes, my calves said, “Fuck you, bitch.  We out.”  It’s an fucking painful interesting sensation, continuing to exercise after you’ve felt your legs freeze in carbonite.  But I did it!  I finished the 15 minute, 1 mile walk.  My head is about to implode and I need to eat all the things, but at least I exercised and am not fat anymore.  Suck it, doctors!  

Wait.  I have to do this again to actually lose weight?  Fuck.

 

Belle, leaving me for dead and licking the salt off of me.

 

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5 thoughts on “There. I exercised. Happy?

  1. Way to go, Julie! These people that keep harping on exercise obviously have no idea how hard exercise is when you have fibromyalgia. I did some light Pilates week before last and ached like hell for two days after. I keep thinking I should find some videos on Amazon (my DVD player died) but haven’t summoned up the will power to do it. I still have my all-over back ache from going to the grocery store two days ago!

    • Thanks!
      You’re right. I’m pretty sure they chalk up not exercising to laziness, like we should be able to just push through it with pure strength of will. I’d like to give them mono, break both their legs, and then sweetly say, “Just do 5-10 minutes.”

      Good for you for getting some exercise in, especially Pilates! Those have always been so hard for me. When people push up to do side planks, I just want to smack their arms out from underneath them.

      • LOL! I know what you mean about wanting to smack people’s arms out from under them! The last time I attempted side planks, I had to do the modified, on-the-elbow version because my wrists hurt too much.

  2. This really made me laugh, but in a funny way thanks to the way you wrote it. I feel for you, before my chronic pain and car accident I exercised 6 days a week and was very fit (when you’ve managed a gym, and are a qualified football coach and circuits trainer you kind of have too) since I stopped the weight ballooned and the Lyrica combined with the inability to walk without increasing my pain has ruled out almost everything. I wish I could lose weight, and hiding all the food would help to start me but the other meds I take really make me crave sugar just to function. I do yoga from my wheelchair which is helping my core strength and little adjustments but I would have given up after the 20-30 minute searching be proud of yourself and keep up the good work!

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