Concerning Pants…er…Leggings

This post begins with a trigger warning.  The pictures you’re about to see may make you say, “Eww!”, “Ugh!  Why?”, throw up in your mouth a little, or feel like your eyes are being dry humped.  

This is how I was dressed when I dropped the girls off at school today. 

This may be the part where you ask god how he would allow such a thing to happen.

No makeup, wet hair, and *gasp!* leggings!  I know. I KNOW!  I just couldn’t help myself.  They were clean, they were comfortable, and so I put them on, even though I didn’t have a shirt that fully covered my lumpy, fat ass and bulging gunt.  I am so incredibly sorry to show this to you and to anyone who had to endure seeing it in person.  No, wait.  Not sorry.  What are those words?  You know, the ones that mean it’s my body, I’ll dress it how I want, and I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks?  Hmmm….. Oh, well.  Maybe it will come to me later.  

Actually, if I’m being honest, I do care.  Or, at least, I care more lately, as I’ve been seeing things on social media, which are essentially shaming people for daring to allow their bums to be seen while wearing leggings.  It began last week when a friend shared the following video with me.

Look, I know it’s meant to be tongue in cheek and to garner laughs, but the more she talked, the more I felt like shit.  My first response was the kind of anger that leaves a lump in my sternum, waiting to burst out with any defensive thing I could say that would make me feel better.  After watching the video, I texted this back to my friend: 

It’s fat-shaming, pure and simple.  You know that the people who make these videos and flow charts are not thinking about skinny people, like them, when they make these.  At the very least, it’s body-shaming.  Because more women, (one of whom is supposed to be a Christian) making other women feel self-conscious and bad about their bodies is definitely what the world needs.  If she is so distracted by asses in leggings that she can’t make it through a shopping run in Target, may I humbly suggest that she stay at home with her judginess and cuddle with it by a nice, warm fire, and leave us fat people alone.  As we used to say in the 90s, that sounds like a personal problem. 

Finally, I’ve referenced flow charts that are in circulation, letting the reader know whether or not society permits them to get dressed how they want to in the morning.  I’ve come up with a new flow chart, which I believe will benefit everyone, skinny and non-skinny alike.