And now for something completely different

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Someone who likes you will bring you cake.

Someone who loves you will throw the cake out while you’re sleeping so you don’t have to do it yourself and will make sure it’s buried under other trash so you can’t fish it out and eat it anyway because hey it’s still okay but of course you would never do that because you’re not a disgusting lunatic or Miranda on that episode of Sex and the City.

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He’s a keeper!

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My relationship with, and eventual marriage to, Mike did not come quickly and easily. I first met him when my roommate, Martha, had him come to our apartment to fix my computer. From that night, we had a friendship and chemistry. We tried dating a couple of times, each ending in disaster. Fortunately, we still maintained a quirky and close friendship.

Mike has been different from every other guy. In addition to being kind, he’s sensitive, funny, and smart. We understand each other in ways that no one else does. We often joke that it’s good we found each other because no one else would put up with us. Like me, he has his own faults. But he is someone I hope my girls look to when they decide who’s good enough to spend their lives with.

If he spontaneously dances with you in the kitchen…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he can come up with the same lame joke you’re thinking…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he is willing to share in the household duties without complaint…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he does some of those duties without having to be asked…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he thinks it’s cute that you giggled a little at the word “duty”…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he spends his birthday with you in a hospital waiting room because you don’t want to go alone to your first MRI…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he will get up and take care of your baby during the night without complaint…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he will bring you Sprite and saltines when you’re not even dating because you are unbelievably hung over…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he encourages you in your own dreams and ambitions…he’s a keeper ladies.

If he doesn’t make you feel like you need to be someone other than yourself…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he treats you with respect, and not as a sex object…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he doesn’t understand why you don’t want to share dessert…keep looking. I’m sure there’s someone out there who’s perfect for you.

In which Mike advises me on matters culinary and zoological

Me: I think I’m going to go for it. I’m going to do raspberry filling for the zebra cake.

Mike: Bloody zebra. I should just stop talking to you.

Me: Well, it’ll probably be more like a raspberry mousse. So it’ll be bright pink.

Mike: Well now you’re just talking crazy talk. Everyone knows moose are not native to Africa. It would need to be more like raspberry wildebeest. Mmmmm, raspberry wildebeest.

Lembas, bitch.

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On my last post, Mike commented that he now expected lembas. So, since Barney Stinson is my spirit guide…

Lembas

2 1/2 cups of flour (I used whole wheat)
1 Tablespoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
8 Tablespoons cold butter
1/3 cup sugar
2/3 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon almond extract

Preheat over to 425 degrees.

Mix flour, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl. Chop butter into mixture with a pastry cutter or pulse with food processor until you get a crumbly mixture. Add sugar and mix. Add milk and almond extract and stir with a fork until dough forms.

Roll the dough out about 1/2 inch thick. Cut out 3 inch squares and transfer to a cookie sheet. Criss-cross each square from corner to corner with a knife. Bake for about 12 minutes or until set and lightly golden. Makes 10 to 12.

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Rustic: from the Latin for “not as pretty as you’d like”

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For fancy packaging, copy and cut out leaf penis.

Adapted from http://entropyhouse.com/penwiper/costumes/lembas.html