Slut shaming 101

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Over the weekend, we attended the birthday party our friends’ son. It was a fantastic time with friends and food. Kids colored and played soccer in the backyard, while the adults had typical 2 year old birthday party conversation: school; kids’ behavior; slut shaming; jobs. You know, the usual.
How did slut shaming come up, you ask? Our friend’s neighbors were also at the party. Their 13 year old daughter had her baby with her. No, not a real baby. She’s currently enrolled in a class which, as part of its curriculum, has the students care for baby dolls which simulate real babies. The babies cry, they eat, they cry, they sleep, they cry, they poop, they cry…..
The best part of the class, though, is that only females are allowed! I KNOW! Where do we sign up, right? What a revolutionary idea! A class billed as a “female empowerment” class that teaches only girls the consequences and responsibilities that come with having sex.

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And just so we’re clear, it’s not that boys simply don’t take the class. They are not allowed, which is actually a relief. The last thing I would want is for boys to learn the real consequences and responsibilities of sex. They shouldn’t have to. Everyone knows that if the girl opens her legs, whatever happens after that is her problem, because only slutty sluts have sex and get themselves pregnant before marriage. Furthermore, girls need to learn their place early on. Child bearing and rearing is the domain of females, while males concern themselves with much more important things, like STEM careers and wood shop.

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During the course of the conversation about this empowering class, I also learned that an entire class was dedicated to telling the girls not to park. I’m so glad this was covered. What girls really need, more than anything, is to be told not to park. ‘Cause you know, those slutty sluts…you just can’t keep them away if you don’t tell them not to do it. And this priority is paramount, even above making sure they don’t take STEM classes. It’s not like they’re going to need those classes, since they should be focusing on getting their MRS once they go to college. And they can’t go to college and get their MRS if they’re sluts and/or already have a baby. I mean, who would want them?

So, in the end, I applaud the school. Kudos! Well done on making sure that girls know that, in order to be empowered, they just need to keep their legs closed. Only then can they know the criteria with which to define their worth.

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