He’s a keeper!

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My relationship with, and eventual marriage to, Mike did not come quickly and easily. I first met him when my roommate, Martha, had him come to our apartment to fix my computer. From that night, we had a friendship and chemistry. We tried dating a couple of times, each ending in disaster. Fortunately, we still maintained a quirky and close friendship.

Mike has been different from every other guy. In addition to being kind, he’s sensitive, funny, and smart. We understand each other in ways that no one else does. We often joke that it’s good we found each other because no one else would put up with us. Like me, he has his own faults. But he is someone I hope my girls look to when they decide who’s good enough to spend their lives with.

If he spontaneously dances with you in the kitchen…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he can come up with the same lame joke you’re thinking…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he is willing to share in the household duties without complaint…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he does some of those duties without having to be asked…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he thinks it’s cute that you giggled a little at the word “duty”…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he spends his birthday with you in a hospital waiting room because you don’t want to go alone to your first MRI…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he will get up and take care of your baby during the night without complaint…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he will bring you Sprite and saltines when you’re not even dating because you are unbelievably hung over…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he encourages you in your own dreams and ambitions…he’s a keeper ladies.

If he doesn’t make you feel like you need to be someone other than yourself…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he treats you with respect, and not as a sex object…he’s a keeper, ladies.

If he doesn’t understand why you don’t want to share dessert…keep looking. I’m sure there’s someone out there who’s perfect for you.

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“That’s a dealbreaker, ladies!”

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I think Rachael may have her first schoolgirl crush. We spent a couple of hours writing out valentines yesterday. When we came to a particular boy on the list, Rachael suddenly decided to make her name extra fancy by drawing little curls on the ends of each of her letters. Her demeanor changed, and so I asked her if she liked this boy. She very coyly said no, and continued talking about him in a high pitched, airy voice. Both Mike and I think it’s cute, although Mike may be melting down over his little girl a tiny bit.
This made me start thinking about all the things I learned in my relationships along the way and what I would pass on to my girls. I will definitely tell them things like: don’t say I love you after having only dated a week; make sure your life is fulfilling and interesting without a relationship; “friends with benefits” never works out…NEVER; if he’s mean to you, it doesn’t mean he likes you. It means he’s an ass. I was a hot mess in college when it came to relationships. It was only in hindsight that I realized there were so many deal breakers in the relationships I had. Hopefully, passing along these deal breakers to my girls will help them avoid the same pitfalls and what Liz Lemon calls sexually transmitted crazy mouth.

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If he borrows a book, “gives it to someone else”, and refuses to replace it when it’s lostthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he only calls or texts when he’s bored or has nothing better to dothat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he doesn’t stand up for you when his roommates are talking shit about you in the next roomthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he thinks tuning in Tokyo is hilarious, especially after you’ve asked him to stopthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he starts criticizing what you’re eating because you’re starting to get a bit chubbythat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he is a racist alcoholic. You’re not going to change him. Just….no.that’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he talks about nothing but himself and how awesome he isthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he tells you he tried to stab his brotherthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he tells you to get out right after you tell him you love himthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.
(No, that was not the one week “I love you”.)

If he yells that you don’t trust him because you don’t want to take a shot of J├Ąger medicinallythat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If you are pretty sure that he if just one step away from being that guy who makes out with or dry humps his carthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

If he doesn’t want to be seen with you in publicthat’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

So, what sort of deal breakers will you share with your kids to save them from being hot messes?